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When Words Aren't Enough: Move Beyond Relationship Struggles, Trauma, and Pain with Emotionally Focused Touch in Psychotherapy, by Matthew
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Book by Matthew Cohen
- Sales Rank: #3789116 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Body Synergy Press
- Published on: 2012
- Binding: Paperback
- 288 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
Most helpful customer reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
LOVELY BOOK
By Rose
Matthew Cohen's book, When Words Aren't Enough, is fascinating for both the intelligent reader and for the professional. Integrating touch into life is hard enough. And coming to understand the complexities of the relationship of the body with the incredible intricacies of the conscious and unconscious mind are, and have been, puzzles for human beings from the beginning of time. But integrating touch into psychotherapy is even harder. Cohen's portrayal of how he blends professional touch with his psychotherapeutic approach is fascinating and has given me much to think about.
Professionals, psychotherapists and students of therapies, have the rare opportunity in his book to see verbatim transcripts of how Matthew Cohen works--of the connection between his consummate skill, built on forty years of experience, and the intricate weave of interactions of couples and within an individual psyche.
But mostly we see in When Words Aren't Enough the justifiably and patiently confident approach of this man to every nuance of the real problems that couples and individuals bring to him. And they see the results of their hard and courageous work. They experience hope in the unraveling of their knotty issues and even the possibility of joy in living another way, one that is more open to life.
In addition to being a good read, When Words Aren't Enough invites the reader to respond warmly and appreciatively to the clients in it and to their stories. Physicians may learn that when they can respectfully touch a suffering or tense patient, their entire healing interaction is strengthened and accelerated. As a music teacher I find support in the book for my drawing attention to the student's uncomfortable body position with regard to his instrument, even without touching him. In alleviating his pain and tension associated with the problem, I hear artistic freedom emerge as the paths of communication between mind and body are cleared.
I recommend Matthew Cohen's book without reservation to all who sincerely want to understand people better, including themselves.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
A Remarkable Book About How Real Connection Occurs....
By Amazon Customer
Matthew Cohen has written a wise, personal and illuminating book--I'd say a remarkable book-- that skillfully addresses the use of conscious touch in a meaningful psychotherapeutic process. I use the word remarkable, because by the end of this unusually compelling reading experience, even the psychologically aware reader will not only have an expanded perspective on what excellent psychotherapy looks and feels like, but will understand what they've likely been longing for in all their close relationships....and haven't been able to put words on.
While the book's subtitle is accurate in that Cohen beautifully describes "emotionally focused touch" in the context of psychotherapy, I would personally say as a psychotherapist, author of a relationship repair book, and normally wounded person in relationship with another normally wounded person....this may be the best book ever written on the atomic substructure of human connection--to oneself and to other--and the healing of disconnection.
Through actual annotated intimate transcripts of therapy sessions with clients who are not hard to identify with, the reader gets a front-row seat to a mode of interacting that is usually private. We meet 50-something partners Emily and Jeff, each coming from miserable first marriages. Individually and in couple sessions we watch Cohen warmly be with Emily's self-consciousness and mixed dread and desire for attention and watch him warmly confront Jeff's rejection sensitivity with enough humor and kindness to offset his client's shame.
There is a lot of talking going on before any touch enters the picture, and while this is initially a little confusing given the book's title, it soon becomes clear that Cohen's first order of business is creating enormous safety for his clients. He is actually a trained and credentialed psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist with a background as a Rolfer and then director of his own school of body-oriented psychotherapy--a highly unusual combination. And what he is showing us is a way of working with people that isn't without words at all--only a way of judiciously incorporating touch and body awareness that allows our most basic non-verbal connection to be real, palpable and honored. We watch Cohen give his clients perhaps the first experience they have ever had that someone is touching them--not their body, and for anyone who might have sexual associations to therapists touching clients, watching this unfold is a revelation. One could say, in fact, that Cohen's approach is more about boundaries, restraint and respect than touch per se--and how what happens to us when touch is delivered in such a context actually borders on, if not encompasses, the spiritual.
As the book progresses, we meet Randall, a victim of severe early sexual abuse resulting in a life of extreme, but understandable self-protectiveness, compartmentalization and avoidance of much physical contact. What is fascinating watching him become embodied in his relationship with Cohen, is that while most of us haven't experienced that degree of abuse, many of us still long for what Randall is re-claiming: pleasure without expectations and being touched by someone who has no expectations, only a desire for us to feel safe and comfortably related to. While Randall is a self-aware intellectually-oriented introvert, Gordon, Cohen's last case presentation is a more all-American businessman and golfer who comes for sessions initially only to deal with sports-related physical pain. It's a rare kind of case presentation because it is unusual to get a glimpse of "an average Joe" become increasingly undefended and introspective, simply by dint of his clinician (pretending to be merely a "bodyworker") staying present with him through relatively ordinary interactions.
I would have to say as a psychotherapist who lacks Cohen's training in body-oriented psychotherapy, I was extremely admiring of how his attunement to the non-verbal realm infuses his ability to engage clients verbally and bring them into greater self-connection.
When Words Aren't Enough is a therapeutic experience unto itself because for Cohen, the body, mind--and heart--are so naturally One, that by the end of the book the reader has been entrained to the author's consciousness, and is rewarded with feeling more whole and integrated just by having hung out with him.
Nancy Dreyfus, Psy.D.
author of Talk To Me Like I'm Someone You Love
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
A Book that Needed to be Written - and Now Needs to be Read!
By erlaia
Matthew Cohen is a meticulous and focused therapist whose techniques have been shaped out of his own unique training, interests, focus and talent... This book has applicability for a wide range of practicing therapists, as well as for those of us striving for richer and more authentic lives.
I found the book riveting because of the applicability of his combination of his measured words and intuitive, but measured and calculated touch...the case studies span a breadth of this man's therapeutic practice, and thus displays the versatility of his approach.
I do note that I read Matthew's book from a unique vantage point;- I am "Randall"; the "case study" of a man healing from the effects of incest and childhood sexual abuse. The chapter captures the slow, but nuanced shift and growth as I grew to understand and embrace the richness of "safe touch" and thus, in the process, became more embodied. On a more subtle level, working with Matthew, I came to understand the physiologic aspects of dissociation, and with Matthew's guidance, used the process to continue to discard dissociative coping techniques that had served me profoundly well in my chaotic and traumatic youth, but were no longer helpful in my adult life. I also came to understand the habituated physiologic response to my childhood trauma that had become habituated and embedded in my body - hypertension, muscular rigidity and other challenges... that over time, dissipated to be replaced with a robust enjoyment of my own physical self. I had the sense to enter a therapeutic process with Matthew as a door opened without defining where the process might go. Matthew had the skill with words, touch and emerging trust to walk with me through that door into a profoundly embodied state.
I have come to believe that addressing the impact of childhood sexual abuse must, at some point, deal with touch and embodiment... it is my hope that Matthew's book will cast strong light on how this can be done, with powerful respect, profound trust and collaborative richness in a manner that enriches one's sense of both awareness and personal boundary. It can be used as a guidepost and a beacon of light, articulating both a process and a destination of healing that can be reached. Matthew has written it from both his head and his heart, I note, and his extensive use of transcripts of interviews makes this "material" accessible.
Oddly, the inclusion of my "case study" with other case studies of very different courses of treatment creates a frame of "normalizing" my own experience and helps me, and - I hope others, understanding that healing can be a universal and reachable goal.
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